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Alas. . .this one got past me.
From Where Do We Get The Word "Church"?
"Kirke or Circe was the daughter of the Sun god, who was famous for taming wild animals for her circus. But get ready for this: Circe is pictured holding a golden cup in her hand mixed with wine and drugs, by which she controlled the kings of the world. Now where have we heard that before?"
What's so "awful" about creating an unstoppable army of space-age muscle men? Just 'cuz I thought of it first?!
If you was Deputy, and you seen rustlers camped just t'other side of Coyote Ridge, would you tell the Sheriff, or try to head 'em off y'own self?
It's for this. . .friend I have.
Three or four years ago, [Adult Swim] wanted that everybody should send them a minute or so of original music to play during their bumps. I sent them this thing. I rarely watch anymore, so I dunno if'n they ever played it.
So I'm reading a book that's considered mildly controversial within christendom, and just came to the statement "The Lord spoke to me one day and told me that religions are just play-pens to keep us from trouble until we mature enough to climb over the bars and follow our Father".
That's good stuff, yo.
Random pic of one *badass* hombré.
It's Friday night, kids - and you all know what that means. . .
Apparently they're trying modernize Archie comics. Notice that like his girlfriend, the captain of the high school sports team has clearly treated himself to a facelift, yet he neglects his gamma-powered eyebrows.
Go ahead - click on it.
Gummi lighthouses.
"From ancient times, pagans had used the 'T' cross image, the initial letter of Tammuz, as a protector and an amulet. This symbol spread to the nations and took on various forms. The fallen church MIXED these superstitious uses of crosses with the cross of Christ.".
I guess Maeby knew what she was talking about after all.
When I was the Customer Service Lead, I tried at one point to encourage my employees to engage in maximum utilization of all of our available resources to solve problems, a concept I liked to call "Maxilization". Sadly, the idea didn't catch on. My attempts to get people to think for themselves a little and grow beyond the need for babysitting always failed. All I wanted was to be able to compile the boss' special reports without having to stop and field questions like "Kebin, what do this customer want?" (when the answer is clearly "Um, I wouldn't know. How about you ask him.")
Someday, maxilization will be indispensible to the business world, and then you'll all come crawling back. But I'll be out on a boat somewhere. In a luxurious fur coat.
How Stuff Works: The Joker
HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS: An Interview you don't want to miss
I was hoping it would be Lance Bass, but it's actually an "insider Physicist" talking about aliens, secret technological advances, and compound rips in time/space.
Fine, then.
Apparently, some guy named Lex Gabinia was pivotal in leading to the rise of Julius Caesar and her reign as dictator over Rome.
I'm seeing a tremendous possibility for online performance art with World Of Warcraft. Anything from giving your character a little kid name like Billy Peterson, and going around asking random players where babies come from, to naming yourself Multi-Level Mage and asking everybody "HELLO FRIEND! ARE YOUR TEETH AS WHITE AS THEY COULD BE?"
I bet it would be really satisfying to announce to the WoW community, "I'm not ready for my co-workers to hear this, but I want you all to know that I AM OFFICIALLY GAY. It feels so great to finally open up about my true feelings!"
Making people uncomfortable is more appealing to me than the route my daughter has chosen, which involves informing the hardcore nerds of Azeroth that it isn't real.
Several years ago, there was a commercial showing that Zima gets grass clippings off of you and onto some other people.
Did they ever figure out what caused that?
Ladies and gentlemen, The Ray Wall Band.
Tongue-in-cheek camp, or not, I can't endorse any of this.
Top 100 Fundie Quotes
Wow. Do these people dismay anybody besides me?
So while watching the worst Shrek movie ever this evening, I realized that the new Hulk looks quite a bit like he did in the comics when Rob Liefeld drew him. I've been searching online for images that would confirm this for me, and while I don't have anything yet, I did find this interesting discussion of Liefeld's artwork.
It's good when you know your neighbor's got your back.
(Captain America's secret identity was never all that secret, anyway.)
EVERY TIME I TRY TO FLIP CHANNELS TO SEE IF GARY COLEMAN AND ANN B. DAVIS HAVE GOTTEN THEMSELVES HANDCUFFED TOGETHER, BUT THERE'S NO KEY! AND THEN DICK VAN DYKE HAS TO PERFORM AN EMERGENCY AUTOPSY TO GET THEM APART, JUST IN TIME FOR THE BIG RECITAL. AMEN.
So I'm reading online about some of the aspects of the Morrowind world I haven't yet experimented with, and am told that the game has the following bug: "If you are also a Werewolf and catch Vampirism you will turn into a werewolf with a vampire head. Apart from the optical nuisance, there are several errors in Attribute calculations."
"Optical nuisance"?! Sounds more like potentially one of the greatest obscure gaming experiences ever sought after. I think my Blackula is gonna head north for a bad case of Sanies Lupinus.
Fourteen years ago, O.J. Simpson's double murder charges dominated the news during the week my daughter was born. To this day, I get the warm-fuzzies every time I see the Juice in handcuffs.
EARTHLINGS: Gaze upon your new Super Bowl. Fear it.
I've been eyeing its construction, since I pass by every so often, and not once have I ever seen any of the players helping. How typical.
So, New Harbingers of Pith received a message from a BigTime Entertainment agent, saying we'd fit in fine at the gig he's putting together for 93.3 FM ("The Bone"). Sadly, I had to tell him that it's just me, and there is no band. Or concert. Or radio station. (Although, I didn't have the heart to inform him that he's not really a booking agent, but actually an Iraq veteran with PTSD).
I just about had an accident the first time I saw this. What do you see? I see a political statement. It's quite obvious what kind of resident this apartment complex welcomes: BLACK people. Black couples with one child and no faces, to be exact. Not white people, brown people, green people, or anybody of *any* appearance other than jet black. Not even black people with zero children, or several children, or any singles.
Etc.
Is there anything more satisfying than Disgust? Seriously, if more people would over-react, we could change the world.
"Entertainment is used to indoctrinate or spread disinformation."
For a few weeks now, we've been letting our cat come and go as she pleases. At times, we won't see her until the next day, prompting Wife to joke that perhaps there's some other family that takes her in at night. It's not funny to me, though, so I'm sure you'll agree that this leaves me no alternative but to write "FUCK YOU" on her flea collar.
I thought George Bush got made the election guy this time. Why do they keep changing it?
I feel grief in my bosom for anyone who hasn't bought a new vacuum cleaner in the past 15 years. Our old Dirt Devil gave out yesterday, so we replaced it this evening with a less expensive machine. Let me tell you that for the past 45 minutes, cleaning the floors has been a delight, which is a word I don't just toss around anymore. Those of you who have an extra $50 or $75 lying around are encouraged to go out and treat yourself to a new Eureka or Hoover. Truly, my friend, you and I are living in the Golden Age of sustained suction technology.
If any of you have racist grandparents, you might consider indulging their backwoods ignorance by signing them up for some inbred redneck white supremacist newsletter. It'll make them feel special :)
Well, those Waxahachie brothers really know their Speed Racer. From the fact that Trixie automatically knew how to pilot a helicopter and had the means to obtain one, to the exquisite xylophone work throughout the score, this film had everything it should've. Even a cameo by Peter Hernandez, who first imported and voiced Speed back in the 60s.
My only serious problem was the disregard for the fact that upon entering a race he was forbidden to drive, Speed didn't use his real name - he entered under the inconspicuous persona of "Happy Doodle". This kind of oversight is unacceptable.
I enjoyed the movie, and never ever wish to see it again.
So me an' da boyz have entered a VH1-sponsored contest in hopes of somehow appearing onstage wth Yes. There's no open voting, but keep your phalanges crossed that I get a fair shake. The whole concept of "music videos" is @#$%, and accordingly my entries feature mostly still photos. . .I simply have no desire to embarrass myself like these folks:
"Haunting Me"
"Earth Love"
Real Boy-hood, here I come.
New Harbingers Of Pith
I keep hearing this song "Believe" by some band called The Bravery, since apparently the Dallas Stars have adopted it as their theme during the playoffs. I have to say, swiping a Lenny Kravitz song and naming it after another Lenny Kravitz song is a pretty resourceful method of songwriting.
"Iron Man" is good. A high-tech update on the Black Sabbath rock opera, it's the classic story of a boy who could not love, until befriended by a magical puppet, etc.
So it looks like in the new Hulk movie, the Abomination doesn't have those big pointy aquatic-looking ears.
Why do those Hollywood bastards keep ruining my life?!
Do forgive my variety of speech, but I must avouch that this gentleman is prone to behaving rather like a jack's ass.
Unless I read this wrong, there is no chance in hell of a Season Three for Venture Brothers.
But at least they mentioned The Pirate Guy. ("Oh. . .wow! No way!")
If Celebs Moved to Oklahoma.
I lived in Oklahoma, and let me tell you - these are so authentic, it's making me thirsty for some o' that see-through Pepsi.
Two women report ghost has been having sex with them
Marvel will be creating a Black Panther animated series for cable dreadnaught BET.
I hope they get it right, or rest assured, I'll be on the internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.
If you're passing through the mall and a chick at a skin care kiosk stops you to spew her sales pitch, and asks you whether you've heard of the Dead Sea, and after you reply affirmatively, she asks if you know where it's located, you can really shut her up by saying "It's in Nebraska."
How the hell did I get to be older than 40?!
Oh yeah. That damn kryptonite-powered temporal field accelerator. Stupid eBay.
With the biggest movie stars of yesteryear (Charlton Heston, Elvis, etc.) dropping like flies, it's more important than ever that Clint Eastwood film as many monkey pictures as he can while there's still time.
The Simpsons has been dropped from morning TV in Venezuela after being deemed unsuitable for children.
Fortunately, they've replaced it with something educational.
Only a few weeks until the beginning of a new comic book mini-series based off of the original Star Trek episode Assignment: Earth.
If you check out the preview artwork, it's really obvious that Teri Garr has been replaced by some random tambourine player from Riverdale.
What da hell kinda world we livin' in wit' a RED Huck?!
Children in voodoo's power
Man Claims He Was Molested by Bigfoot.
Hopefully, this will encourage more of Sasquatch's victims to come forward.
An editorial discussing the US government's preparations for declaring martial law should they deem it necessary "to detain without recourse millions of its own citizens".
Here's an article suggesting that Roswell, with its infamous UFO crash in 1947, is the foundation of the new Babylon, as deduced from a prophecy detailed in the book of Zechariah.
The site as a whole is pretty sizeable, and features some not-unreasonable theories.
Stuff White People Like
I think a trip to the mall may be in order. It's been far too long since I followed the wife into Victoria's Secret and shouted "OH MY GOD - THIS IS ALL UNDERPANTS!"
Frustrated with international policies? Sad over the cancellation of your favorite show? Disgusted with the outcome of Fishomania XII? Check out petitiononline.com for your chance to be heard and make a difference.
I remember seeing a PBS special on crystal skulls a few years ago. Like any occult objects, they seem to illicitly embellish and heighten the condemned building known as human nature. Also, there's a welcome mat involved.
I'm afraid I may need to increase the subscription price for this blog. I've tried to keep the fee at a minimum and so forth, but I'm not made of sarcastic anecdotes, and frankly, you people are like vampires. If you decide you can't live without this stuff, please click on the PayPal logo to find out what you owe me.
It turns out that "modified attack baboons" is the third most common 3-word search string on the internet, behind "residual feces hot-tub" and "giant pygmy cowgirls". Probably.
A book is underway about farmer Steven L. Gibbs, who claims he received a message from himself from the future, which included a diagram for a time machine called the Sonic Resonator. After building and testing the device, Gibbs renamed it the Hyper Dimensional Resonator and began selling them.
That's horrible. . .farmers having to market electronic merchandise on the side just to make a living.
I love how some critics of Senator Clinton refer to her as "Hitler-y". Yeah, like THAT'S gonna make me vote for Oksana Baiul.
Fremen wannabes. Meh.
Yesterday, I was informed that "Tim Ludlow is a baby raper", as painted on an I-30 overpass.
I don't even know who that is, so I'll refrain from commenting until I see some graffiti telling his side of the story.
So I treated myself and spent $4 on NCAA Football 2006 for Xbox.
I imagine I'm the kind of video gamer that the industry doesn't care for very much.
Initially, when I thought this article said "Have Scientists Discovered a Way of Peeing Into the Future", I was totally on board.
Aren't couples supposed to communicate?
Doesn't a wife appreciate when her husband interacts with her?
Then why the hell was she so mad when I woke her up and asked "Wouldn't Aquaman be all pruney?"
Allegedly, most of North America is in danger of ultimately exploding and burning due to an accumulation of oxygen in underground natural gas reservoirs. Or somethin'.
The first time travellers from the future could materialise on Earth within a few weeks, according to gigantic, radioactive scientists.
In other news, this is what old comic books are all about:
At one point, my wife was friends with this chick who was on General Hospital. Sadly, she wasn't prone to taking very good care of herself.
The real shocker, though, is that she was apparently close enough to John Stamos to assassinate him, but didn't.
This ain't real.
The word on the Patriots is that they've been able to remain undefeated all season by focusing only on one game at a time. I just have this gut feeling, though, that they're looking past the Giants this weekend to the Pro Bowl on the 10th.
Jim Nabors really looks like he could go at any time. Everyone loves him from his days as Gomer Pyle. I remember how Gomer would always come up with these crazy inventions that the other kids said would never work, but they finally did work, though not in the way anybody expected. Also he was some kind of singer.
You know the phrase "dressed to kill". . .?
I'll assume that this character has an especially fascinating secret origin story. . .prolly something involving radioactive milk & cookies, or some bizarre soap box derby accident.
Well, they're ripping on clowns again. And after all they do for us. What other industry outside of Big Religion, Inc. utilizes the skills of so very many of society's pedophiles?!
From News of the Weird:
"TV's Weather Channel recently released a CD comprising 12 of what it called the most popular jazz selections that play on its 'Local on the 8s' weather screens (tunes presumably requested by those who watch the Weather Channel often enough to actually have favorites)."
Is this not the pinnacle of achievement? I don't think I could ever dream that big.
Was this guy for real? I have my doubts.
I was really expecting his name to be Tobias.
I don't think I ever had this card. I think I would remember the name, like I do other unique names from this season (Horst Muhlmann, Hoyle Granger, etc.)
So the new Terminator series on Fox isn't too horrible,which for a TV show is remarkable. Sarah Connor and son John continue their journey towards the future with a new cyborg protector and a reasonable premise of uncertainty on their destiny (which makes sense due to the fluid continuity that a concept like time-travel allows for). John Connor is 15 now, so I'm wondering if he's old enough for his mom to give him the all-important Menopause Talk. . .Surely *all* teenage sons receive an out-of-the-blue explanation by their Mommy about the ordeals of menopause, right? Or was I the only one? I mean, that's not borderline perverted in the least.
The prehistoric alignment of world wonders: The Great circle
During the second quarter of the Packers-Seahawks game, the referee called a roughing-the-kicker penalty on Green Bay, but he gave the roughing-the-passer signal.
I am too damned fragile to have to deal with that kind of contradiction.
This article about the overlooked aspects of the alien presence (entitled "Overlooked Aspects of the Alien Presence") warns of the many factors that could impede our efforts to accurately identify aliens' intents, by posing the question "How can one distinguish between positive aliens and cunning impostors?"
Fortunately, it clarifies for us that "Positive aliens are those who have transcended the vices and limitations that still challenge us, who have attained the heights of spiritual chivalry and serve Creation in the name of freedom, truth, and love. They value spirituality over physicality, respect the freewill of others, and subtly guide us toward fulfilling our spiritual potential without smothering us into becoming dependent on such guidance."
So now we know that beings who appear to fit these criteria can be trusted! You just can't go wrong with subtle guidance toward your spiritual potential. Because "The fulcrum of this timewar rests within us", etc.
Injun killin' is in my blood. I got it bad. Ever' time I see an injun, or even a cowboy dressed like an injun for some crazy stunt, I just start to shootin' and a-kickin'. Just my nature, I guess. An' after that, I ride around shirtless, lookin' for whisky out in the hills. If'n the weather allows.
I remember this Levi's commercial, but I don't recall it having any kind of sexual symbolism. Which is good, because it has none whatsoever.
Anyway, I wore Toughskins™.
How sad. . .I just learned that I've been guilty of using "weasel words".
I always try to avoid sounding like a know-it-all, and thus use phrases like "Studies would indicate" or "Some experts claim".
Well, screw that anymore. Now it'll be "I'm right and you suck".
Poor, naive Dick. I knew that lousy no-good dame was no good for him.
Here's a small sampling of pics claimed to be actual photos of biblical figures, from various sources. Cooool. . .
If you were to go to Iran or someplace, and walk the streets wearing an Uncle Sam costume, I wonder whether you'd be spat upon or threatened, or even beaten up or killed. And I wonder would it make any difference if you were a 10' tall Uncle Sam on stilts, like the kind from some parade. . .Would that matter any, or would it be totally wasted on them?
I always wonder about that this time of year.
Whenever we go to Applebee's, or Chili's, or Bennigan's, or some similar restaurant Macaroni Grill, and our waiter is a gangly white guy streetwise latino mook, will he always end up being a total spaz who expects us to be his private audience while he pummels us with his "personality" and renders it nearly impossible to pursue a meaningful conversation amongst ourselves? That really seems to be our fate.
I get tired of going out and being expected to happily play right along so that the hyper-sensitive staff isn't uncomfortable serving a godless introvert like me who doesn't act like their newest, bestest buddy =D
Helpful holiday tip: If you receive a handful of protein bars as part of a Secret Santa gift basket, check to make sure they didn't expire 22 months ago before you start trying to eat one of them.
It says here that they estimate that corn is 9000 years old.
Well. Happy birthday, corn!
Here's a look at one of the totally non-phallic idols of the ancient Mali empire.
Something about science and time zones (but no mention of magnets).
Barely a day later, I'm already sick of hearing about Britney Spears' daughter.
As a Buccaneers fan, I think it's time to demand that they trade Jake Plummer. I've been silent long enough.
As December wraps up, it's time to swipe The Onion's 2007 timeline.
When you stop and buy a bouquet of flowers for someone, the temptation to hold it up and tell everyone you see, "I'm gonna get laid!" is just overwhelming.
Note to football coaches: when you're clinging to a touchdown lead with just minutes left, and you have the ball and are trying to drain the clock, run the ball instead of passing. Both Tampa Bay (3 games ago against Washington) and Detroit (yesterday vs Dallas) threw an incomplete pass on 3rd down with like 2 minutes left, which stopped the clock. Had they run, even for no gain, that's another 25-30 seconds that would have elapsed, leaving the opponent even less time than they had. Washington fell short in their comeback efforts, but did have adequate time to work with, while Detroit allowed Dallas to score with 18 seconds left - time they should not have had. If you're going to be conservative, do it right and bleed the @#$% clock. Does no one call a quarterback draw anymore?!
Researchers can read thoughts to decipher what a person is actually seeing
I only skimmed the article, but it sounds like they've found proof of the elusive 'Jennifer Aniston neuron'.
This fascinating document is said to have been found on the street in New York, near Marcy & Broadway.
I'm no historian, but this may well prove to be one of the official dispatches sent from George Washington's troops before the British took the city in the latter part of the Revolutionary War.
The new neighbors have Life.
I'm calling Homeland Security.
Looks like they're really going all-out with the Joker-related promotional stunts for the new Batman movie.
From News Of The Weird:
"Japanese adults push their children to save more, but few are buying the piggy bank introduced by the TOMY Co. in November, because, if not fed with savings for a period of time, the bank just explodes, scattering the contents."
Genesis: "Watcher of the Skies". For no particular reason.
Also, "Dance On A Volcano".
They really lucked out with Phil Collins sounding almost like Peter Gabriel's (evil) twin.
ALIEN ORB EXAMINED MY BABY GIRL -- AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO!
My only problems with this article are that it isn't brief enough, and doesn't have enough exclamation points.
Clearly, *I'm* what's wrong with America.
It's really tempting to apply for a job as a bookkeeper, and then show up for the interview wearing beekeeper's gear.
Tired of generic, mass-produced ritual robes that tarnish your resplendency or mute the uniqueness of your inner sojourner? Build-a-Ritual-Robe allows you to custom order just the right garment for your spiritual needs.
(Please note that the aforementioned link provided does not constitute an endorsement of bitchcraft by Catch 22 On Cloud 9 or the fine people of Little Debbie Snack Foods, Inc.)
Only a coupla-three days left to vote for your favorite Simpsons episode. I had to go with "Marge In Chains". . .this one killed me right off the bat with the infomercial for the Juice Loosener, and kept me down throughout, as Homer wore any clothes he could find (old wedding dress, devil costume) when they ran out of clean laundry, and Jimmy Carter was declared History's Greatest Monster.
On Thanksgiving, one cannot but share the wealth. . .
Your Typical Drug Deal.
"Hey, wait, biatch - I'm on your side!"
Deacon Jones (not the football player) crossed his fingers repeatedly, hoping that the ray gun was as substandard as everything else around here.
"I said 'I'm on your side'" he pleaded, as he turned to face both the music, and the weirdo who had taken aim at his innards. But there was no longer anyone there; only a trail of radioactive dust which reminded him of something.
Before beginning his hike back to wherever he had come from, he re-evaluated his orders. The scotch tape keeping the plan intact yellowed and cracked with each neuron that bombarded it.
Those infomercial people would answer for what they done, sending him on this errand of fools. He considered how they had deceived everyone on the squad, and he hated the idea of becoming one of them.
The next time he encountered his prey, he would come clean. "I lied. I'm not on your side." Jones rehearsed this over and over until he forgot why he was walking, what he was wearing, and how awful space food was.
"Biatch."
Don't you hate when you pair up with an enviro-buddy, but then they end up just replacing him with a sterile enviro-bot? That would probably happen to me, so why should I even bother?
Magical Vagina: a music video that defies description (and reason, and most elements of music).
This is the kind of deliberate Bad that some of us can only dream of creating.
A teenage girl kills herself after being harrassed by *adults* who created a phony MySpace profile specifically for the purpose of toying with her emotions.
Holy fucking shit.
NFL Star Considered 9/11 a False Flag From Day One
I actually played on the same 7th grade football team as Stepnoski in Tulsa. He knocked me on my ass dozens of times in practice, but I can still walk pretty well. I've read that he's been campaigning for the legalization of marijuana.
10 Funniest MPAA Ratings Reasons
(This entry remorselessly swiped from Blinky the Tree Frog)
The X-Men sucked in the 1960s.
Shyeah, like documentation proves anything.
I suddenly find myself under the assumption that no one on our street refers to me as General Vague, like I had previously assumed they did. That's really discouraging.
Researchers suggest Iraq war was centrally motivated from an Extraterrestrial-inspired religion.
Back in junior high school, I really loved Styx. These days, I look back and recognize how bad they were. So I decided to check out some of their newer music, and they're just as cheesy as ever: listen to Captain America, a rugged wank-metal piece from their record that features a giant carrot on the cover.
James Young really needs to be kept away from microphones at all times.
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